Da Days of My Life

New site. New blog. New me. 

http://p00v00t.wordpress.com

We never treasure what we have until we lose it. Or almost lose it. Then we start to panic and scramble for something to hold on to, when that something was already lost too. We grasp at last straws, praying and hoping that one day, we will wake up and this is all just a bad dream. But, deep inside, you and I already know, that one precious chance you had, that only straw you had, has already left you. 

A wakeup call is always necessary to jolt us out of our day-dreaming status. We always dream of perfectness: the perfect one, the perfect thing, the perfect everything. But we don't stop to think that we have to work at it to keep it perfect.

I don't think if this is a wakeup call for me, but I definitely know that I'm working at it. Perfect it will be and perfect it shall stay.

In a twist of events, I find myself in a whirlpool of thoughts, rather than slacking the day away munching on tidbits while either reading a book or watching tv. In a space of 1 minute, my life thus far flashed before my eyes. No I'm not going to die. I thought back to how I struggled through my primary school days, because I got atrocious Maths grades. I thought back to how I used to be teased in secondary school because I said 2 X 3 = 5. I thought back to how my Maths C tutor in JC shook his head whenever he gave me back my test scripts. I thought back to how happy I finally was when I barely scraped through with an E for A'Level Maths and I still got in NUS. I thought back to how relieved I felt when I realised I didn't ever have to touch Maths anymore now. I thought back to how excited I was in studying my two best and favourite subjects, Chinese and English. I thought back to how determined I was when I decided to drop Chinese as a major and thus focused on English for my Honours. 

Now I know I have one more thing I can think back on next time. Maybe a few years from now, I will think back to how disappointed, angry and depressed I felt when I saw my results. 

I made the wrong choice. But no, I'm not going to wallow in despair and moan and groan. No matter what, I have an Hons degree. Not a good one, no doubt, but still an Hons degree. And I dare anyone to look down on that.

"With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won't you say you loooovvveee me too?"

I laughed.

It's always nice when someone makes you laugh. Especially when you are in the dumps the whole day, yet you can't really talk to anyone either because there's no one around or there's no one you care about that is willing to listen.

I found one that day. He's cute, charming and absolutely a good listener. I was so happy when I found him. I hugged him and told him everything. From the start to the end. Told him with hand gestures and all. Animated body language. This attracted a few stares from the people around us but I didn't care.

After I finished, I took a deep breath and hugged him again. I whispered "Thanks" in his ear and kissed it once to make it feel better from all that droning. He smiled at me, as always, and looked so happy.

I gave him a big hug again. This time, I didn't want to let go. I felt so secure in that hug, felt as if nothing in the world can hurt me anymore. I felt contented.

I just couldn't resist. I stepped back, looked around to make sure no one was looking and...




...pressed his tummy again. "I love you, you love me, we are a happy familyyyy... With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won't you say you loooovvvvveeee me too?"

I laughed again. Sniffed back my tears from earlier on and, feeling much happier, walked away from the Winnie the Pooh that made me laugh.

You Should Get a PhD in Liberal Arts (like political science, literature, or philosophy)

You're a great thinker and a true philosopher. You'd make a talented professor or writer.

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did i tell anyone i got an A for philo? *grinz*

(sorry, in a kind of yaya mood now)

"Smile, Ah Boy, smile!"

Ah Boy puckered up her mouth and scrunched her face for the camera. I laughed. The photographer took a priceless picture of Ah Boy making faces and, putting the camera down, he smiled too.

We were at Toa Payoh Senior Citizens' Physiotherapy Centre. Volunteering to help feed, push wheelchairs and attend to the needs of the elderly folk who were there due to some physiological problem. Ah Boy was an elderly woman who will always look for the chance to escape from the centre. It was amazing really, the way she walked slowly, very slowly, to the sliding door, and because she either had no strength or did not know how to open the door, she will sit on a chair just beside the door. Then she waits. If someone came in or went out without shutting the door properly, she will try her best to get out. But because she walked so so slowly, she can never manage to step outside without someone, a nurse or a physiotherapist, guiding her back with a firm hand. Once, a physiotherapist told us, Ah Boy managed to get out the door, and when she turned back to look, the people just waved at her and said, "Byebye Ah Boy! Bye!" And off she went. Of course, someone will catch up with her in no time to guide her back. When I heard that, I laughed til my sides hurt.

I looked around me. Nurses and caregivers were bustling around tending to the old people who seem to want to do everything all the time.

It was lunch time. We queued up in the line together with other volunteers to get the plates of rice to distribute to the elderly folk. After doing that, we hung around to help any nurse who was having difficulty trying to feed porridge to two or more old people at the same time. I fed an old man who couldn't really say a word except tap the edge of the table whenever he wanted another spoonful. I used to reel in disgust when I see drool, especially that of elderly people. But that day, I quietly wiped up the drool that was dribbling down his chin, the bits of porridge stuck to his lip, the water that spilt on his clothes. I didn't mind at all. Not only did I not mind, I even feel happy doing all that.

I looked at J, who was opposite me feeding a physically disabled old lady who couldn't feed herself. Our eyes met and we smiled.

The day went by quickly and soon it was time to go. We said our goodbyes and decided to do something for their Christmas party which was coming up in a few weeks' time. We decided in the end to do the practical thing and gave some money to the kind physiotherapist who was organising this big party all by herself. She bought presents for everyone.

On the day of the party, we stepped in into the centre which was decorated in silvers and greens. Everyone seemed so upbeat, even the elderly whom some may not know what was happening but just got caught up in the mood. Some games ensued. J and I were pulled into a newspaper game where we were supposed to stand on a piece of newspaper everytime the music stopped and the piece of newspaper will get smaller and smaller each time. The last duo standing that manages to both be on the smallest piece of paper wins. Both of us were extremely self-conscious at first, and we didn't dance like we were supposed to around the paper when the music was playing. Each time the movie stopped, each duo just jumped onto the paper with little shrieks and exclamations heard. We were the second last duo to lose and though we didn't win, not that we played to win anyway, we had so much fun. Both of us were grinning our faces off when the game ended and everyone clapped heartily for the duo that won.

The lucky draw segment after that sent smiles to all who had their tickets picked out. Big and small prizes were accepted eagerly by the elderly folk who, at that particular moment, made me feel that they were back to being kids again. And that was so heart-warming.

Soon the party ended and it was time for many of the elderly folk to go home. J and I stayed to help clean the place up and before we left, that kind physiotherapist gave us her most sincere and grateful thanks. She gave us a christmas card each with personalised messages that warms us right to the heart. I was touched.

I would give anything to go back there again. To see Ah Boy try to escape again in her slow and steady manner, to feed and clean up that uncle again, to talk to many of the old people there and listen to their problems, to feel useful again.

Thanks J, for bringing me there. That two days we went down taught me a lot. I learnt how to think about others instead of myself, and I learnt what giving is really about.