Da Days of My Life

New site. New blog. New me. 

http://p00v00t.wordpress.com

We never treasure what we have until we lose it. Or almost lose it. Then we start to panic and scramble for something to hold on to, when that something was already lost too. We grasp at last straws, praying and hoping that one day, we will wake up and this is all just a bad dream. But, deep inside, you and I already know, that one precious chance you had, that only straw you had, has already left you. 

A wakeup call is always necessary to jolt us out of our day-dreaming status. We always dream of perfectness: the perfect one, the perfect thing, the perfect everything. But we don't stop to think that we have to work at it to keep it perfect.

I don't think if this is a wakeup call for me, but I definitely know that I'm working at it. Perfect it will be and perfect it shall stay.

In a twist of events, I find myself in a whirlpool of thoughts, rather than slacking the day away munching on tidbits while either reading a book or watching tv. In a space of 1 minute, my life thus far flashed before my eyes. No I'm not going to die. I thought back to how I struggled through my primary school days, because I got atrocious Maths grades. I thought back to how I used to be teased in secondary school because I said 2 X 3 = 5. I thought back to how my Maths C tutor in JC shook his head whenever he gave me back my test scripts. I thought back to how happy I finally was when I barely scraped through with an E for A'Level Maths and I still got in NUS. I thought back to how relieved I felt when I realised I didn't ever have to touch Maths anymore now. I thought back to how excited I was in studying my two best and favourite subjects, Chinese and English. I thought back to how determined I was when I decided to drop Chinese as a major and thus focused on English for my Honours. 

Now I know I have one more thing I can think back on next time. Maybe a few years from now, I will think back to how disappointed, angry and depressed I felt when I saw my results. 

I made the wrong choice. But no, I'm not going to wallow in despair and moan and groan. No matter what, I have an Hons degree. Not a good one, no doubt, but still an Hons degree. And I dare anyone to look down on that.

"With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won't you say you loooovvveee me too?"

I laughed.

It's always nice when someone makes you laugh. Especially when you are in the dumps the whole day, yet you can't really talk to anyone either because there's no one around or there's no one you care about that is willing to listen.

I found one that day. He's cute, charming and absolutely a good listener. I was so happy when I found him. I hugged him and told him everything. From the start to the end. Told him with hand gestures and all. Animated body language. This attracted a few stares from the people around us but I didn't care.

After I finished, I took a deep breath and hugged him again. I whispered "Thanks" in his ear and kissed it once to make it feel better from all that droning. He smiled at me, as always, and looked so happy.

I gave him a big hug again. This time, I didn't want to let go. I felt so secure in that hug, felt as if nothing in the world can hurt me anymore. I felt contented.

I just couldn't resist. I stepped back, looked around to make sure no one was looking and...




...pressed his tummy again. "I love you, you love me, we are a happy familyyyy... With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won't you say you loooovvvvveeee me too?"

I laughed again. Sniffed back my tears from earlier on and, feeling much happier, walked away from the Winnie the Pooh that made me laugh.

You Should Get a PhD in Liberal Arts (like political science, literature, or philosophy)

You're a great thinker and a true philosopher. You'd make a talented professor or writer.

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did i tell anyone i got an A for philo? *grinz*

(sorry, in a kind of yaya mood now)

"Smile, Ah Boy, smile!"

Ah Boy puckered up her mouth and scrunched her face for the camera. I laughed. The photographer took a priceless picture of Ah Boy making faces and, putting the camera down, he smiled too.

We were at Toa Payoh Senior Citizens' Physiotherapy Centre. Volunteering to help feed, push wheelchairs and attend to the needs of the elderly folk who were there due to some physiological problem. Ah Boy was an elderly woman who will always look for the chance to escape from the centre. It was amazing really, the way she walked slowly, very slowly, to the sliding door, and because she either had no strength or did not know how to open the door, she will sit on a chair just beside the door. Then she waits. If someone came in or went out without shutting the door properly, she will try her best to get out. But because she walked so so slowly, she can never manage to step outside without someone, a nurse or a physiotherapist, guiding her back with a firm hand. Once, a physiotherapist told us, Ah Boy managed to get out the door, and when she turned back to look, the people just waved at her and said, "Byebye Ah Boy! Bye!" And off she went. Of course, someone will catch up with her in no time to guide her back. When I heard that, I laughed til my sides hurt.

I looked around me. Nurses and caregivers were bustling around tending to the old people who seem to want to do everything all the time.

It was lunch time. We queued up in the line together with other volunteers to get the plates of rice to distribute to the elderly folk. After doing that, we hung around to help any nurse who was having difficulty trying to feed porridge to two or more old people at the same time. I fed an old man who couldn't really say a word except tap the edge of the table whenever he wanted another spoonful. I used to reel in disgust when I see drool, especially that of elderly people. But that day, I quietly wiped up the drool that was dribbling down his chin, the bits of porridge stuck to his lip, the water that spilt on his clothes. I didn't mind at all. Not only did I not mind, I even feel happy doing all that.

I looked at J, who was opposite me feeding a physically disabled old lady who couldn't feed herself. Our eyes met and we smiled.

The day went by quickly and soon it was time to go. We said our goodbyes and decided to do something for their Christmas party which was coming up in a few weeks' time. We decided in the end to do the practical thing and gave some money to the kind physiotherapist who was organising this big party all by herself. She bought presents for everyone.

On the day of the party, we stepped in into the centre which was decorated in silvers and greens. Everyone seemed so upbeat, even the elderly whom some may not know what was happening but just got caught up in the mood. Some games ensued. J and I were pulled into a newspaper game where we were supposed to stand on a piece of newspaper everytime the music stopped and the piece of newspaper will get smaller and smaller each time. The last duo standing that manages to both be on the smallest piece of paper wins. Both of us were extremely self-conscious at first, and we didn't dance like we were supposed to around the paper when the music was playing. Each time the movie stopped, each duo just jumped onto the paper with little shrieks and exclamations heard. We were the second last duo to lose and though we didn't win, not that we played to win anyway, we had so much fun. Both of us were grinning our faces off when the game ended and everyone clapped heartily for the duo that won.

The lucky draw segment after that sent smiles to all who had their tickets picked out. Big and small prizes were accepted eagerly by the elderly folk who, at that particular moment, made me feel that they were back to being kids again. And that was so heart-warming.

Soon the party ended and it was time for many of the elderly folk to go home. J and I stayed to help clean the place up and before we left, that kind physiotherapist gave us her most sincere and grateful thanks. She gave us a christmas card each with personalised messages that warms us right to the heart. I was touched.

I would give anything to go back there again. To see Ah Boy try to escape again in her slow and steady manner, to feed and clean up that uncle again, to talk to many of the old people there and listen to their problems, to feel useful again.

Thanks J, for bringing me there. That two days we went down taught me a lot. I learnt how to think about others instead of myself, and I learnt what giving is really about.

To: "Boy"
The following piece is inspired by "boy". Thank you and no thanks, actually.

Dear Boy,

What will it take for you to see how much you mean to her? Have you noticed the tears in her eyes, the tears she hides with her smile? She'd give the world for you, boy, but you choose only to see the mistakes she makes, the wrong things she might say, the flaws on her face. Why do all these things mean so much more to you, than the wonderful selfless things she's done for you? You've forgotten, boy, you've forgotten to be thankful, grateful and appreciative.

Look, boy, she isn't gonna be here forever cuz forever doesn't exist, though you seem to believe it does. What she feels for you now, now, that is real. But tomorrow, someone who appreciates her will come along and take her hand in his. Then, it'd be too late. So, think of all the things, big or small, she's done for you. And then think to see if you have done anything nice for her lately, anything at all. If it suddenly hits you, that what you've done for her is nothing compared to what she's done for you, the reason is really simple: she cares for you, maybe too much, it doesn't matter to her, but you, you just don't care at all, or at least not nearly enough.

If you're paying any attention, boy, I hope you know what you should do next: Grab her, i say, hold her, and tell her just how much you appreciate everything she's done for you. Better yet, Show her - show her you love her for the person she is, for caring so much, for her selfless acts of love and kindness; show her you care enough to do nice things for her too; just show her that she matters to you, though she may not mean to you as much as you mean to her.

You know, boy, it is not every day in our lives on this earth, that we come across special people: people who love us more than we can possibly love them, people who love us more than we love ourselves. These are the people who love us for who we are; they look past our mistakes and flaws, they forgive us so easily, it seems as though they've forgotten that we keep making the same mistakes again and again. They are the ones, boy, who always have a ready smile, hugs and kisses to lift us up when we're down. They are always so happy to see us, we can't help feeling good about ourselves too. Boy, you're so lucky, because she is all these and more. She's more than special and I don't know if you'll ever meet someone like her again. So, treasure what you have boy, and what you have, is a really special person whom you'll regret not caring for, if one day, she turns her back on you and leaves.

You know what the saddest thing is? Right now, no matter whether you love her in return, or show her any appreciation, she'll still be by your side. Her ever-ready smile and sweet words will always be there, for you. But, even she doesn't know that one day, when someone who loves her more than she loves you, comes along, she will go, leave you, for him. And you know, that she does deserve that happiness. Because for how long can she love and serve you silently, without receiving reciprocation of any sort? For how long, boy, for how long?

Boy, it is really not too late. Her heart is still in your hands, and will be, for some time. Act while you can, trust me. She needs no fancy gifts or expensive dinners and you know that. All that you have to do, is be nice, be appreciative: words of thanks and bright, sincere smiles when you see her - those are more than enough. Those will keep her happy for a long long time, believe me.

If you can appreciate her love for you, someday soon, please learn to love her in return, for there's no greater joy in the world than being loved more than you love. That's a sacrifice she's willing to make, because she knows, she knows she loves and will always love you far more than you can ever love her. That's what makes her so special, so beautiful, don't you think? It's all up to you, boy. You decide, but remember, time is not necessarily on your side, or hers.

God bless!

Regards,
Someone who cares. About you.

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I thought this is really good. It spells out exactly what many girls may wish or hope their partners will do. It's when they think their partners don't listen as much to them.

Thanks nitz, for writing such a beautiful piece.

Ever wondered what your life will be like without all your friends, family members, pets, toys, teachers, etc? I got an inkling of what that may be like yesterday when I realised I was making some people angry due to my stubborness and harsh words. They walked away from me and at that moment I felt like I was all alone. I felt like I should go apologise and I did. Some smiled and said it's ok, while others accepted my apologies rather grudgingly.

This made me think of the time back when I was in secondary school. My class was full of little cliques and nobody from one clique can hop to another clique and demand attention. It's just wrong. My clique was full of people like myself: quiet, studious and yet up to tricks everytime. Everyone looked up to me then maybe because one, I was the tallest there then, and two, I was the quirkiest and the most daring.

Things changed one day when I stopped to talk with a member from another clique. Angry eyes from my side of the room shot across to where we were standing, and I could then hear loud angry whispers. The girl whom I was talking to noticed and asked me if we should still talk when my group was already so mad. I just shrugged my shoulders and thought then, hey we are still classmates. Can't classmates talk to one another?

After our conversation, I walked back to the other side of the room where my table was and everyone just left. They all left in small little groups and turned back angrily a few times to stare at me. I was confused then. What did I do wrong?

Some time later, I found out then that my group decided to "desert" me as a clique member and also somehow managed to convince other cliques that I wasn't worth their time. I was soon the public enemy. Just for talking to someone. Back then, I was pretty dependent on the clique as it made me, like other teenagers, feel like I was accepted and liked. So I went to apologise to the clique. They shot sarcastic remarks and left haughtily, announcing that I was to have nothing more to do with them.

It was end of the year then, and soon the people in the class were posted to different classes the following year. I got into a class where I got to know my good friends now, Win and Lac. There were still cliques around the class, but maybe because everyone was one yr older, we knew then the difference between being approachable or just being stupid. I thank everyone then in my new class how they stuck by me as a whole when they found out about what happened a year before.

Now, being 21 years of age, I realised what's more important. Friends definitely are, but ultimately it's how you live the way you want. If back then I had learned to let go and make myself open to new friendships, I may not be so depressed then after all.

Letting go is an important lesson. Live and let live.

Happy... Sha La La La La... It's so nice to be happy...

Maybe I expected too much. Maybe that's all I should have. I did enjoy myself that day, but somehow i feel a little empty inside. Definitely not because there were no more feelings, but more because I expected more. The higher you climb, the harder you fall. And I was already warned beforehand that things might turn out this way, yet I still held high hopes. Naive as I am, I thought I would have something to hold on to and remember, but I didn't get it. Quality time matters and I did get that. Selfishness always gets the better of me.

Wake me up. Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me I expect too much. Tell me I know.

Obligation. I hate this word.

I don't know why, but I feel lonely today. It's christmas, I spent today at home with my parents. I'm happy about that, nothing like spending quality time with your family. But I'm feeling lonely instead. Is it just me or is it that I'm envious of all my friends for going out to have fun? I really want to, but circumstances don't allow me to.

I wish I can fly.

-----------------------------------SWIRLY SEVENS---------------------------------

7 things that scare me:

1) balloons
2) needles
3) water
4) cats
5) heights
6) anyone i know leaving me. (Gary, R.I.P)
7) being shouted at


7 random songs at the moment:

1) Love, Me by Collin Raye
2) Tong Hua by Guang Liang
3) The Elmo Song by Elmo
4) Yong Qi by Liang Jing Ru
5) Stay The Same by Joey McIntyre
6) Hero by Mariah Carey
7) Angel by Shaggy


7 things/people that I like most:

1) Dad, Mum, Jie
2) Joshua
3) My friends
4) Coffee
5) Playing Monopoly, Scrabble
6) Chocolates (Mini Eggs, anyone?)
7) Being happy


7 names i go by:

1) Joanna
2) Jo
3) Weirong
4) Nana
5) Ah Girl
6) Dear
7) Da Great (thought I forgot this one eh? muahahaha)


7 important things in my room:

1) My laptop
2) My handphone
3) My Poohs (note the "s", I coudln't decide on one so ALL)
4) My little yellow dog/lamb/furry animal Josh gave me as a first prez
5) Alarm clock (uh huh, there's a reason why I'm never late, people..)
6) Dial up connection
7) Mirror


7 random facts about me:

1) I'm pretty.
2) I don't swallow pills. (Hence, left to your imagination how I take them)
3) I'm grouchy.
4) No one can win me in Scrabble..yet. (*covers ears and eyes and turns back on Josh who's doing the "I'm the champ" move)
5) My results are bad, no matter how good you may think they are.
6) I'm easily scared and defeated.
7) Gullible is defined by me.


7 things I plan to do before I die:

1) Hug everyone.
2) Prick a balloon myself with my eyes open.
3) Swim.
4) Make sure my parents are well taken care of.
5) Earn money to pay Josh back all that he paid for me willingly.
6) Not be so easily susceptible to sweet-talk.
7) Not die before my loved ones.


7 things I can do:

1) Maths. (Lalala)
2) Cook great Maggie Mee.
3) Walk and talk at the same time. (Oh, everyone can huh. Well so can I. So there.)
4) Be graceful.
5) Build up my immunity level and hence not get sick so easily, which will result in me taking pills.
6) Sing.
7) Love.


7 things I can't do:

1) Lose in Monopoly and Scrabble. (Kneel before Da Great, slave)
2) Fight like I mean it.
3) Get good results.
4) Eat bananas or jackfruits.
5) Swallow pills.
6) Be less gossipy.
7) Be less stubborn.


7 things I say the most:

1) Yyyeeesss!!!
2) Abothen?
3) Alamak
4) Shit
5) It's ok.
6) You ok?
7) ermm.. orh..


7 people I want to do this too:

1) WaiMun
2) Miaoz
3) Hanyang
4) erm.. ok my list is exhausted here..


wah... took a whole 20 min to do.. Peishi, i din do a few categories coz erm.. well a little sensitive at the moment...